These days, it's almost impossible not to have experienced at least one long-distance relationship. Between email, text messaging, video-phoning, Facebook, and Twitter, it's also next to impossible to be out of touch with someone.
The first few times I attempted a long-distance relationship, we were manually writing letters and using pagers (remember those? yes, I'm that old) to keep in touch. Then they involved cell phones with green backlighting and autotune-sounding ringtones. In those days, I was missing my boo's calls left and right because of drop zones. In 2004, I met someone who I was really feeling but he had to return to London for some family business...for an open-ended stay. He called every day and sent me sweet thinking-of-you gifts like the finest of chocolates, books by my favorite authors, a Jill Scott CD with "our" song...but none of those things could replace his physical presence. Every time I asked, "So when are you coming back?" and he couldn't give me a definitive answer, my affection slowly withered. I love me some Jill Scott but her CD was not keeping me warm at night. By the time he returned a month later, in typical Jara fashion, I had moved on to the next one. So a few years later when my then-boyfriend went a continent away on an extended visit with his relatives, I already knew better. "Let's just say we're on a break and see what happens when you return." I'll give you one guess as to what happened when he returned...
(People, this is the curse of having a fondness for travel and a weakness for foreign men.)
But since those failed attempts at long-distance somethingships, technology has improved to the point where we can be "intimate" with the right goggles on from thousands of miles away.
But can all of this newfangled gadgetry replace the intimacy that is shared when two people are face to face in the same room? It's hard work to stay in lurve with a person an ocean away when there's a cutie winking from the table right next to you.
(In this economy, living 30 miles away is long-distance. Gas ain't cheap.)
What got me to thinking about long-distance relationships?
I'm trying out this new thing called formspring where people can ask questions about whatever. I'm a very curious person so it has been a heavenly experience so far...
Since this blog is the equivalent of an online journal, I figured I'd share my response to one of the questions asked of me about long-distance relationships.
What is your opinion on long distance relationships? Are the relevant? Are they tested on trust more than true affection? by CopperSoul
For those who need space and autonomy in relationships, the long distance can be the glue that keeps the relationship together. But for people like me who link physical closeness with emotional closeness, LDRs are a challenge.LDRs are very much relevant because of the increased amount of travel some have to do for their careers. Also, with all of this new technology, it makes it easier and possible to have a LDR without feeling so far away.
As your question suggests, I believe LDRs must be based on a higher amount of trust than normal relationships because the people involved have to rely so much on faith in the other person. e.g. faith in faithfulness, continued affection, etc. Having an expiration date to the separation helps. I wouldn't advise two people being in a LDR unless they REALLY trust/know each other well, because not being close injects some insecurity in the relationship that they'll need to weather.
Personally, I haven't been in a long-distance relationship that lasted very long. While mental stimulation goes a long way with me, I also need the physical presence of the other person (not just for sex, either). I love being in the same space with my S.O. - connecting nonverbally. I can't do that on the phone or across a web camera.
This hasn't been tested recently, but when I was younger, I could hang in a LDR for awhile but eventually my affection dies without the presence of the person there to remind me of what I love about them. I begin to think of them as just a friend. And then I move on to someone who is in my vicinity.
Disclaimer: I have never been in love before. Just in fondness. So that might have something to do with absence making my heart grow colder.
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So that's my two cents. But what do you think about long-distance relationships? Are they still relevant? Are they tested on trust more than true affection? Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? How long can you go until kissing someone through the phone is no longer enough? What advice would you give to someone before they try one out?
Wanna ask a question about me, you, them, life? Click here or enter your question in the formspring box in the sidebar. Are YOU on formspring? Let me know so I can be nosy..I mean, follow you. :)
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Love Revisited / "Love by Definition"
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